Hollowed
by SBs alive
Summary: How easy it would be to give in to the madness. How easy to lose himself and end this suffering. A songfic about a prisoner in Azkaban. No sexual content, rating mostly for violence.


My tribute to one of my favourite characters. Sirius went through hell.

**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to JKR. The song is called Hollowed (from album Building Up the Apathy) and it belongs to Silent Voices. I am humble before the talent greater than my own.

No sexual content, rating for strong angst, mild insanity and bloodshed. I suppose you shouldn't read this, if you are feeling suicidal already.

* * *

**Hollowed**

The memories would not leave him in peace.

"_C'mon, Prongs – no one would ever suspect him for a second."_

His own voice echoes inside his head.

The house was in ruins. A column of smoke curled to the sky.

Lily's motionless form lays there, her flaming red hair covering her face like a veil.

James' glasses are broken. He could never see past his nose without his glasses. Light has faded from James' bright hazel eyes forever.

Those eyes, lifeless, unseeing. Fixed on him, accusing, condemning…

"_You did this to us, it's your fault, you betrayed us, you murdered us."_

He deserves his pain.

_x~x_

_Snow falls from the sky_

_Over these wounds I bare_

_In shadows I walk with the dead_

_There's no connection in this blank stare_

_x~x_

"It's my fault – no! Peter's fault, he betrayed them, he was the traitor, he was the Secret Keeper – because of me, it was my idea, I should have known, I failed them, I failed them, _I failed them_…"

"James, please, forgive me!"

_x~x_

_And the angels turn away_

_As I lie in this pool wide awake_

_x~x_

He hits the wall again and again and again in a futile attempt to dull the agony inside him. The cold stone scrapes his fists, his hand are bleeding.

His blood stains his robes, splatters on the floor. He does not care, he cannot feel the pain.

He is the pain and the pain is him – searing, tearing his soul apart. He cannot feel anything anymore.

His hands are stained with blood.

_x~x_

_I'm hollowed_

_Inside me_

_I'm turning cold_

_The last touch_

_Left lifeless_

_Like a winter's rose_

_So hollowed_

_And broken_

_Laid to the ground_

_In silence_

_Departed_

_Without a sound_

_x~x_

"_Good job, Black, you fooled us all. I'm sure you've made your family very proud, indeed. You destroyed everything we ever believed in. I hope you'll be happy in your new home."_

Happy? He could not remember ever having been happy. But he had been, once. Hadn't he?

"_Remus, please, listen to me! Don't leave me alone, don't let them take me there, Remus!"_

Remus did not look back.

His throat is sore from screaming.

Remus never looked back. He never saw the tears in the werewolf's eyes.

"Forgive me, Moony, I should have known…"

_x~x_

_Slowly drifting through_

_The memories and the images back to you_

_Transcending through the mist_

_Hoping to be with you soon_

_x~x_

It was over so soon.

They were supposed to be unbreakable. They _were _unbreakable. Until he broke them.

_Why?_

Hate burns him, scorching poison surges through his veins with every beat of his cold and shattered heart. They were brothers; they would have died for him. And he threw that aside.

How could he? How could he? _How could he?_

"_How could you?"_

_x~x_

_The stars above are shining cold_

_as my final breath sends out my soul _

_x~x_

The dust is everywhere, clouding his sight, filling his lungs. The sound of the explosion is still ringing in his ears.

Screams surround him.

Wormtail is gone. Wormtail is laughing at him. He is laughing, too.

The dust fades and he can see them. The dead are everywhere. Wormtail's finger lies on the bloodied remains of the pavement. The screaming grows louder.

He wants to scream, too. He wants to cry.

He laughs.

The eyes of the dead follow him. They will not leave him alone – he killed them all.

James' blind eyes stare at him.

Why will the dead not leave him be? Why will the dead not be quiet?

They take him away, and he laughs.

_x~x_

_I'm hollowed_

_Inside me_

_I'm turning cold_

_The last touch_

_Left lifeless_

_Like a winter's rose_

_So hollowed_

_And broken_

_Laid to the ground_

_In silence_

_Departed_

_Without a sound_

_x~x_

The dark figures move closer to him.

He cannot breath. He is drowning in the cold. Guilt and pain and despair fill his mind.

He wants to let go.

How easy it would be to give in to the madness. How easy to lose himself and end this suffering.

He wants it to end.

He cannot let go. He made a promise, a lifetime ago. He is the only one who knows the truth.

He deserves his pain.

"I'm innocent…"

_x~x_

_I'm hollowed_

_Inside me_

_Everything is cold_

_The last breath _

_Left lifeless_

_Sent out my soul_

_So hollowed_

_And broken_

_Under the ground_

_In darkness_

_United_

_Forever more_

_x~x_

His knees give way and he falls. He hits his head against the hard stone floor.

He feels cold. A warm pool of blood around his face spreads steadily. Filthy strands of his dark, matted hair have fallen across his face to veil the sight of his deadened gray eyes. It is not enough to stop him from seeing the ever-present dead.

His consciousness is slowly slipping away.

"Somebody, kill me."

He draws a ragged breath and knows no more.

A man lies on the floor of his cell in a pool of his own blood.

Nobody cares. He deserves it.

_x~x_

**AN:** So. Please let me know what you thought about this. Any kind of feedback is welcome. (And if I won't get any reviews, my darling sister is going to be in trouble.)


End file.
